I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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