somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
