Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
