glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
