I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
