this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize