you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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