He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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