I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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