You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
