I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
