I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
