the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
