Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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