have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
