hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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