Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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