you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.â€
Randomize
