Need sex. Gaining weight.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
