the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
