garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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