so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
