Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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