how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
