what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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