I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
