I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
