Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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