No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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