do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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