i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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