Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
