we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
