Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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