i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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