I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it's great music for shaving your balls
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
