I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
