I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
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