so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You are a genius and a whore.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
