Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
