she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
