is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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