I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
