We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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