this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
