just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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