Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
All I want is dick and wine.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
