Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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