I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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