His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
