If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
