took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
