He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
