Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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