I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
