I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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