I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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