Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
