it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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