John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
