Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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