I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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