I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
