I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
