I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
