she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
