I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
