very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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