omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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