I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
